For The Heart I Once Had
by MysticDawn5
Summary: "Heaven today has gone away, to a place I once called home. Heart of a child, one final sigh, as another love goes cold." One hundred precious moments shared between Kurogane and Tomoyo, before, during, and after his exile from Nihon.
1. Beginnings

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Beginnings**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

The first time he met her, he hadn't exactly been thinking clearly to really take note of her. Even afterwards, when he awoke in an unknown bedchamber, his wounds tended to and his soiled garments exchanged for clean dressing robes, the aftershock of his tragedy had only made him seek out a few answers to the more pressing questions he burned to know.

She had also been too polite to say or do otherwise, except to introduce herself. Her smile had been heartfelt and had painstakingly reminded him of his loss. She seemed to understand that and left soon afterwards, leaving him to rest.

Now, as he trained along with the other ninja several days later, he suddenly noticed how different she was from everyone else. Not just because she was the princess, but she seemed different in comparison to everyone else at the castle. As if she were more human and considerate of other people's feelings than the rest of the nobles and courtiers ambling about.

She caught his eye and waved at him encouragingly from across the field.

He was so caught off guard by the simple gesture that the next thing he knew he was lying on his back on the ground, a practice sword aimed at his throat.

"You'll never be able to become a better swordsman if you get distracted like that," Souma reprimanded him.

He winced as he got to his feet, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He chanced another look at the princess, whose violet eyes mirrored her plea for forgiveness. It wasn't easy to tear his gaze away from her face.

"Pay attention!" Souma barked, swinging the sword at him.

Little did he know it was only the beginning of many such encounters.


	2. Ends

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Ends**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

His feet touched the ground softly as the swirl of magic surrounding him faded away into nothingness. He drew a deep breath and shook his head, as if to clear it. He lifted his face, his gaze traveling listlessly, finally resting upon a familiar sight.

His hand clenched around the hilt of the sword he carried strapped at his hip. The sword that had seen him through all this time. He swallowed uneasily and took a hesitant step backwards.

How could he face her again after so many years? There was no denying how much he had changed over the course of his exile. Yes, he had learned the meaning of true strength, but for a terrible price. He felt his chest tighten, but he gnashed his teeth together and forced the memories out of his mind.

He raised his face to the sky, the pale glow of the moon reflecting in his crimson eyes. Had they first met under that self-same moon? It had been so long ago... he found that he couldn't clearly recall events that had occurred before his exile.

He suddenly heard a small gasp behind him and he whirled around, angry with himself for not paying attention to his surroundings. But instead of his eyes narrowing in hostility, they widened in surprise at the person they beheld.

She was just as beautiful as he remembered. Long raven-black hair framing a perfect porcelain face, delicate features, and mesmerizing amethyst eyes that he could never tear his gaze away from no matter how hard he tried to.

"Tomoyo...?" he whispered softly, hardly daring to believe his eyes.

She slowly nodded, her face breaking into a breathless smile. "Oh, Kurogane!" she exclaimed, running into his open arms.

He didn't care about anything else anymore as he drew her to him. The only thing that mattered was to hold her close and never let go. He was finally here with her again, after so long. He knew that the only way he had kept a hold on his sanity throughout the years had been because of that one, burning desire inside of him to see her again.

"I don't want to leave your side ever again," he whispered hoarsely.

"You won't," she whispered back, raising a hand to his cheek. "It's all over now..."


	3. Poverty

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Poverty**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

"I don't see why you have to go into the city," Kurogane grumbled, shifting his weight to accommodate his sword. It had a tendency to tip forwards and stick out behind him and smack unwary passers-by. Souma had tripped like that once. He blamed her skirt, though.

"It's not that I have to," Tomoyo disagreed. "I want to show my people that I'm not above them."

"Why can't your sister do it?" he asked angrily, sidestepping to avoid treading on a merchant's foot. "And why the hell did you have to make me come along instead of someone else?"

"You're the only one I trust to see me safely through the city," she smiled serenely at him, locking her gaze with his. "And besides, Onee-sama is too busy with politics to bother herself with the simple folk."

He was so busy looking at her eyes that he didn't notice walking into the cart until he did. Chickens began to squawk and beat their wings frantically, causing a whole ruckus, feathers flying everywhere.

"Whoopsie," she giggled. "You ought to be more careful about where you're going, Kurogane."

He had no chance to retort before the driver turned on him and gave him at least ten minutes of hell before Tomoyo judged that Kurogane had been punished enough and smoothly intervened. She offered to pay for the damage and that was the end of it (including a few moments of groveling which she did not enjoy at all).

Kurogane was left feeling extremely bewildered, scratching at his head. "How did you calm him down so easily?" he demanded. "It couldn't have been just because you're the princess."

She gave him a sad little smile. "'Money makes the world go 'round,'" she quoted. "And not just for those who can't afford it."

"Like the rest of those nobles at court?" he asked.

She sighed. "Exactly."

"So you're saying that everyone considers themselves poor to get more money even if they aren't."

"Goodness, Kurogane, I didn't know you were so bright!"

He rolled his eyes and huffed. Her taunting would never end.

Not that he wanted it to.


	4. Wealth

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Wealth**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

Kurogane never considered himself to be a rich person. He had always been comfortably off, living a simple, yet happy life. He had never really thought about the possibility of handling money. Whatever money he had needed, he had always received from his parents.

But now that he was alone in the world, the only remnant he had from them was their family's fortune. His home had been destroyed, so he would only inherit the small fortune they had left him when he came of age. Until then, he was not to use it.

But that did not mean he wasn't allowed to see it.

"Are we even allowed in here?" he asked hoarsely.

"Oh, shush," Tomoyo told him, fumbling with the overlarge ring of keys in her hands. "Let me find the right key first and then we can worry about that."

Somehow, that didn't help make him feel better.

"Aha!" She inserted a key in the lock and twisted. With a snap, the lock opened. "There. See? Told you it wouldn't be too hard. Now take that torch and put it in the bracket over there." She stepped inside and indicated the wall beside the door.

Kurogane took a cautious step inside and stood on his toes to place the torch in the bracket. Even though he was a good two heads taller than the princess, it wasn't easier. Finally, it slid into place, illuminating the room with its faint light.

"Here it is," she whispered, and her voice sounded unnaturally loud in the stone chamber. "This is your family's fortune."

His mouth dropped open. He had to keep pinching his forearm to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming.

"This was as much as we could salvage from the wreckage," Tomoyo told him, pointing to the far left-hand corner, where two bulging burlap sacks rested. "The rest was already in the treasury, so it was perfectly safe from thieves. All we did was move it to a safer location underground."

She indicated the rest of the room with a small wave of her hand. Never mind that the rest of the room consisted of mountains of silver and gold coins. He had never seen so much gold in one place in his life. And here she was acting like it wasn't that important. Ha!

"All this is mine?" He still couldn't believe his eyes.

"Not yet it isn't," she giggled. "You'll have to prove you can earn your keep before I'll let you have any of it."

"Why not?" he demanded. "It's my birthright! It's not like you can keep it from me once I'm of age!"

"Perhaps," she smiled. "But seeing as my older sister is the one who paid your father every year, I can choose to cut that pay and leave you high and dry."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, yes I would. I won't have the Lord of Suwa's fortune be wasted as soon as it's in your hands."

"Who said I was going to waste it?" he mumbled.

"Oh?" Tomoyo crept closer to him. "Then what do you plan to do with all of this once it's in your hands?"

He flushed. "You'll just laugh," he demurred.

"I promise I won't laugh, Kurogane," she said solemnly, laying a small hand on his arm.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably for several moments before muttering, "I was thinking of rebuilding Suwa... of rebuilding my home... once I'm old enough..."

Tomoyo's hand hesitated, then slipped down his arm to hold his hand. "I think that's very noble of you," she whispered, laying her head against his shoulder.

He did not reply, but merely squeezed her hand in silent gratitude, thankful that he had someone by his side to help him through.


	5. Two Of A Kind

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Two of a Kind**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

At first glance, the only thing you would take note of would be their differences.

Where she was kind, he was cruel. Where she was understanding, he was impatient. Where she was generous, he was selfish. Where she was humorous, he was surly. Where she was peaceful, he was impatient. Where she was formal, he was blatantly rude. Where she was serene and composed, he had already lost his temper and was venting his anger on anyone who had the bad luck to be in his way.

Complete opposites that would seemingly never get along.

But if you struggled to see past the surface, you would be able to discern one sole similarity.

Their need to protect the ones they cared about the most.

And, somehow, that was the only similarity they needed to make them two of a kind.


	6. Past

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Past**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

"You can't keep me in here forever!" he shouted angrily, his red eyes flashing.

"If you don't learn how to control your temper, I'm afraid you'll be staying in Tsukuyomi's kekkai for a long time," Empress Amaterasu replied, her smiling face unsuccessfully masking her mirth at the predicament he was in (not that she was trying to hide it). "We can't risk you destroying Shirasagi in your fury, can we?"

Kurogane's upper lip curled. "You'll sorely regret it when I get out of here."

"_If_ you get out," she snickered, turning her back on him as she departed from the room, followed closely by her personal bodyguard Souma and her younger sister.

Tomoyo shot Kurogane a look which was half-apologetic, half-exasperated, before she, too, left.

Kurogane let out his breath explosively, stamping the ground with his feet. He may still be considered young compared to the other warriors in the Empress's service, but he was by no means a child! They couldn't treat him like this!

He cringed as he recalled the taunting, _"It's timeout time,"_ Amaterasu had whispered almost gleefully to Tomoyo after he had disobeyed her again. And the answering grin had been just as gleeful.

Now why they thought that enclosing him in Tomoyo's kekkai was a punishment was beyond him. He was free to move around (although the space was admittedly limited) and destroy anything if he had the mind to (for anything destroyed in a kekkai would not affect reality). It wasn't what you'd call a regular method of punishing someone.

The first time it had happened had been all right, pretty much. He had destroyed anything in his path, and the destruction had felt good, a fitting way to blow off steam. But after being encased in the crescent moon-shaped kekkai once again for the hundredth time, that form of amusement had long ceased being an enjoyable pastime.

It was probably something like a prison cell, he decided as he settled down upon the floor. The only place he could be restrained and not bring harm to others. He snorted derisively. As if he cared about anyone else by himself. Not anymore...

He didn't know how much time had passed until a sharp hissing sound brought him brutally out of his reflections.

"_Psst!"_

He raised his head, frowning, and looked around for the source of the sound. After a few moments, his vision was obscured by a mass of raven locks as someone slipped into the kekkai.

"I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you this." Tomoyo sat down beside him on the cold marble floor, handing him a small basket she had brought with some bread, cheese, and fruits.

"What are _you_ doing here?" was the only thing he could think of saying, sour as he was.

"Well, I thought this time should be the last time you're placed in a kekkai for punishment," she shrugged as she broke off a piece of bread and stuffed in unceremoniously in his mouth. "It's not healthy for you to be skipping meals."

He looked at her with a baffled expression on his face as he chewed slowly on the warm bread. "You must be mental," he mumbled incoherently.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," she murmured almost absent-mindedly as she stuffed another piece of bread in his mouth. "You might choke."

"Screw that!" he hissed after he had swallowed his bite. "I want to know what you're up to sneaking in here to see me in the middle of the night. In the kekkai _you_ created, no less!"

Tomoyo turned to look at him directly, her violet eyes glimmering in the faint moonlight streaming through the high castle windows. The effect was almost unsettling. (_Almost_, because this is Kurogane we're talking about. _He_ doesn't get unsettled by Tomoyo's looks, right?) She didn't seem to want to answer immediately.

"Is it a crime to be worried about someone?" she finally asked.

He blinked. "You were worried about me?" he demanded incredulously.

"Why do you think I brought you food?" she giggled, handing him the cheese.

He shrugged. "Pity food was what I thought at first."

"Perhaps," she smiled. "I may feel sorry for you, but I don't think you should have been so obnoxious to Onee-sama," she said directly, finally cutting down to the chase. "No one should speak to the Empress of Nihon in such a manner."

"I'll speak in any damn way I like," he spat, chewing vigorously on the wedge of cheese. "I'm not going to fake what I feel like all of those sissy nobles that follow her around like faithful puppies."

"Sometimes, diplomacy is wiser than outright bluntness," Tomoyo reflected.

Kurogane snorted incredulously.

"No, really," she said defensively. "Imagine if we were to express what we really feel, even in real life. Take a fisherman and a tanner for example."

"What the hell do a fisherman and a tanner have in common?"

She waved her hand in a shushing motion which made his eye twitch angrily as she continued, saying, "Suppose that their shops are side-by-side. The tanner would be annoyed at the stench of rotting fish, and the fisherman would be annoyed at the stench of the dyed skins. But if one were to tell the other about it, it would most probably be regarded as an insult, and the peaceful, neighboring relationship that they share would be shattered."

"So? It's not like they can stand the stench of each other's store."

"True," she demurred. "But to avoid conflict, we should mask our true feelings."

"Does this little fairy tale have a moral to it?" he sneered.

Tomoyo dusted her hands on her skirt and stood. "I already said the moral, in case you didn't notice," she said archly. "Now, I ought to go before they miss me."

And before Kurogane could even protest at being left behind in her kekkai, she slipped out as silently as she slipped in, disappearing down the long corridor beyond.

Kurogane looked down at the basket she had left him and pushed it away in disgust. He understood the meaning behind the story, but that did not mean that he had to stoop down to such a disgracing level just to be on good terms with people. No, he decided as he curled upon the stone floor, he was too proud to resort to _apologizing_.

And with that, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	7. Present

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Present**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She smiled up at him faintly. "What happened to the little boy who had once decided that he was too proud to apologize to anyone?" she teased lightly.

He shook his head. "No, I... I was wrong. About a lot of things. Should make up for them before it's too late..."

She did not reply as she leaned against the balcony railing, patiently waiting for him to find the proper words to express himself.

"I might not come back," he finally said, fixing his piercing eyes upon her. "You know how dangerous this journey was, is, and will be." He shrugged, almost helplessly. "They need my help."

She trailed her finger along the marble carving of one of the balcony rail's columns. "And you want to finish what you started," she reflected. "I know how you feel, Kurogane." She turned to hold him in her violet gaze. "You're the kind of person who wants to get the job done in their own way."

"It's one of my failings," he said wryly, his lips twisting to form that peculiar smile of his, the one that seemed so awkward and out of place on his face, but was genuine.

She laid her hand gently upon his left arm, feeling the hard, steel-like material underneath. She looked up at him. Her eyes mirrored his face in their crystalline depths, so strong and yet so vulnerable.

"I'll be waiting," she whispered.

All he could do was nod in gratitude as he covered her hand with his other hand.

And pray that he would not fail.


	8. Future

**For The Heart I Once Had**

**Future**

**By Mystic Dawn**

* * *

It was very early in the morning when he awoke. The sun hadn't even risen yet. Silently, so as not to disturb the sleeping form beside him, he slipped out of bed and went to the window to look out at the predawn twilight.

Sometimes, he was grateful for the few moments he could steal for himself before everyone else was awake. It was a chance for him to reminisce without worrying about anyone catching him doing it. And with the life he had left behind him, he needed it.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but when he finally stirred back to life, his mind had already begun to race ahead of him once more.

It was over now. He would no longer have to watch over his back for unwanted company, nor would he walk along strange roads over distant lands in search of memory fragments. He had returned at last, older certainly, and sadder, and infinitely less certain of things he had always before accepted without question. He had finally come home, his wars over, he hoped, and his travels complete. All that remained were the memories, more painful than he ever anticipated them to be.

He wondered if the dull ache in his heart would ever go away. He grimly surmised that it would remain with him until the end of his days. He had done what had to be done, however much the decision had pained him. Destiny had been cruel to him. Looking back over his shoulder, his lips curled into a tentative smile. He supposed that his entire "destiny" lay here in this familiar world with the pale, beautiful young woman who slept only a few feet away.

It was good to have that settled once and for all, and it was with some sense of accomplishment that he turned back to the bed and to his wife.


End file.
